She Goes First
by Ptolomeia
Summary: In the wake of an Akuma fight, Ladybug lays dead and Chat has to deal with it.


A/N:

This fandom has grabbed me and sucked me into the depths. I do plan to keep writing my other stuff, don't worry, but expect LOTS in this fandom.

... If ever my job/family/friends ever give me time to write again...

ENJOY!

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"Cataclysm," He says, destroying the Akuma before he can give into the temptation to destroy the woman it had possessed. It wasn't, after all, her fault.

He turns around then, forcing himself to look. Leg, angled a way no leg should be. Neck… Neck clearly broken. Her red suit still, without the rising and falling of her chest. Eyes, glazed over like no living eyes should be.

Ladybug is dead. He wants to scream, howl, destroy something, run and run and run until he doesn't know anything anymore. Until this isn't real. But he doesn't. He can't. He knows it would change nothing. None of that had changed anything after mom had… He feels numb at the centre of it all.

He finds himself falling to the ground beside her and pulling her far too fragile body to his chest. You aren't supposed to move someone with a neck injury, he knows but she's dead. How could he make anything worse?

He feels water starting to gather in his eyes. Despite holding her to him, he finds himself looking at everything but her now lifeless body. All the things he won't be able to fix without her purifying magic. The building that had been damaged. The statue that had been knocked over. The rubble that lay so carelessly strewn about the square. Her lucky charm.

His eyes stop, fixated on the little red and black charm that, for the first and only time, she hadn't been able to figure out how to use. Maybe… just maybe…

Hope bursts painfully in his chest.

"Would it work?" He asks the part of Chat Noir that is Plagg.

"I… I don't know…" Plagg replies. Normally, it's Chat doing the dying, not the other way around. None of the other Chat's had ever tried this. "You'll need her miraculous though, if it's going to have a shot."

He lays her down very gently and fingers her earrings. Closing his eyes, he pulls them out. After all, his Lady values her privacy. There's a flash of light, and eyes still closed, he steps over her broken body. It's only when she's safely behind him that he opens them. Somehow, miraculously (ha), her charm hadn't changed back with her transformation.

Now, though, there's a little red and black creature floating around.

"Will it work?" he asks what must have been his Lady's kwami, free now she's no longer transformed.

His ring beeps before she can answer. He looks around in panic. He doesn't know what to do and he's running out of time.

"Release your transformation," she says, "You'll need both of us, if it has any chance of working." She glances over his shoulder to where his lady lies, and looks even more worried. He has to resist the urge to follow her gaze. He nods at the kwami and lets the transformation go. Suddenly, Plagg is there, holding onto the red kwami so very tightly. For a moment, Adrien wonders if his kwami loves her's as much as he loves Ladybug.

After a moment, the two creatures turn to him and nod. He grips her earrings so tight in his ring hand that they pierce his palm. Good. This might work better if they are in him, and he doesn't have pierced ears.

He raises both Miraculouses and says "Transform!"

He doesn't specify which one he wants to transform into. He thinks he needs to be both. Both of the kwami are weak, but somehow, that feels right too.

The transformation feels wrong. Not painful, just wrong. He wants to release it, but this is his lady's only chance, and he has work to do.

He throws the charm into the air, and shouts something that feels right. It isn't what she would have said, but he isn't her.

When it explodes into hearts, the pain in his chest grows. Hope is a terrible thing. But the hearts are black, not their usual red. Will black hearts work? They'd never had someone die on a mission before, pure red hearts might not be enough for something like this, never mind his corrupted black ones.

When they sweep through the square, clearing the rubble and fixing the fountain and building, the pain in his chest brings him to his knees. Would it be enough?

More than anything he's ever wanted, even more than he wants his father's love and attention, more than he wants his mother back, he wants to turn around and see if she's alright. If she's breathing. If she's alive.

He holds himself still and waits. Each second feels like hours.

"Since when does your costume have red spots, Chat?" her voice finally rings out behind him. He doesn't remember moving, but suddenly she's in his arms, as close as he can get her.

"Chat!" she squeaks. "I'm not transformed!"

"Not to worry, My lady." He smiles, voice strangely raw. "My eyes are closed. Your secret's safe from me."

"Are… are you ok?" She asks, reaching up and gently rubbing his back.

"Are you?" He asks, his gentle, loving, living lady.

"I'm fine, Chat. What—"

He squeezes her closer.

"Chat! Air!" She squeaks, and he quickly loosens his grip. He strokes her back, breathes her sent, listens to the sound of her breathing again, feels her heart beat against his chest.

"Chat…" his Lady sounds worried, unsure. "What happen—" There's a double beep. "You need to get out of here before you transform!"

"I fear that would be impawssible, my lady," The sound of her groan is a balm to his broken soul. "You see, I need to return to you your miraculous."

"My miraculous!" she cries, hands going up to feel her ears. "Did the Akuma get them? What happened?"

Suddenly he's laughing. He's laughing so hard it hurts.

"Chat! Stop laughing and explain!"

"Close your eyes, my Lady," he replies, getting a hold of himself. "I'm about to transform."

"Go ahead." She says, after a moment and he lets the transformation release. Her earring now rest comfortably in his palm, no longer drawing blood.

"Here you are." He feels along her arm until he finds her hand, and carefully places the miraculous in it. "I'm going to leave you now, my Lady. Your kwami can explain what happened."

Finally sure she would be fine, he needs to let her get home, get somewhere really safe. She is his Lady. He had saved her. She would be fine. He lets go of her and steps carefully back, eyes still closed.

"If you turn around, you can open your eyes without seeing me. Our secrets will be safe."

He turns away from her and opened his own. "Patrol tonight?" he asks, knowing he'll want to check on her again later.

"Of course." She replies.

He makes himself start walking across the square, away from the woman he loves.

"Chat?" She calls out after him, bringing him to a sudden stop.

"Yes, my lady?"

"Thank you."

"What for?" He replies and takes off running. His lady is alive and well and he'll see again, her later tonight. First, though, he really needs to get Plagg some cheese. He has a feeling he and Ladybug will actually talk tonight. He can hardly wait.

* * *

A/N:

Well, she does die, it just didn't take. I have a companion piece planned for this when he dies in a fight. That one has a different ending though... Why do I enjoy tormenting these characters (and my readers) so much?

Please leave me your thoughts so I can write more/better/more heartbreaking miraculous (and other fandom) fic in the near future! Thanks for reading!


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